I was thinking about

He cried and I was so proud!

About a week ago, I was working on editing a video for YouTube while my nine year old son was watching videos on his laptop. After a little while I noticed that he was watching something that apparently had his undivided attention, and I got curious. I asked him what he was watching. He told me he was watching a documentary on NRK Super (a web/tv channel for kids) about a boy that was bullied.

DSC00368

Some minutes passed and I could hear the story that this boy told in the background while I was working. It was heartbreaking to hear the cruelty that was done to him by his classmates. They had locked him inside of a classroom, and they’d beaten him up pretty bad. He was talking about how it all happened, how it felt afterwards, and how they eventually had to move and start a new life somewhere else because the bullying wouldn’t stop.

Being a victim of bullying as a teenager myself, I always find it hard to listen to stories like this. The cruelty of kids that don’t think their actions through makes my heart ache. I turned to Leander and saw that he was crying, and it warmed my aching heart.

How lucky am I to have a child that feels such empathy. To be able to watch someone else bare their struggles and pain, and through what he saw, he could feel it all. He could feel it so much that he couldn’t hold it in. It was beautiful to see an emotion so pure, brought forth by information that he himself had gone searching for.

It’s easy as a parent to focus on all of the things that we feel like we have done wrong, or could have done differently. But watching him have this kind of reaction, and talking about bullying with him afterwards, hearing his thoughts, that was a moment where I truly felt that I had done something right. Somewhere along the road, growing up to be the little man that he is, he’s learned to care for others. To love them for who they are and the life they choose live, even though he might not agree with all of it. He’s learned to respect others and to try not to judge them.

I will not take complete credit for this, but the amount of time we’ve used to talk about life, people and choices, I know that’s played an important part in this.

I’m so grateful that my son already is a seeker of knowledge, and I’ll keep on encouraging him. To try to give him as many tools as possible for him to be able to make the choices that will be right for him.

And maybe most importantly, it’s important for me that he knows that crying is not a sign of weakness. To be comfortable enough to show your emotions is a strength that should not be taken for granted. It’s a superpower!

 

Advertisements
Categories: I was thinking about, My own writing, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s Changing!

Our lives are constantly changing, even though it may not seem like it all of the time. It might seem like everything is just the same, day after day. But even though you feel like you’re going through the motion in the same ship everyday, there’s so much going on underneath the surface that you’re not paying attention to. 

All those little things that just passes by as unimportant could easily add up to end up as some of the most important events of your life. 

Some changes are bigger though, and impossible to miss! I’m going through one of those changes right now. 

I’ve been working for Brilleland for little over a year now, and a while back I was approached by another chain of stores and they wanted to set up a meeting with me. The meeting happened and in a time where people struggle to get jobs I was lucky enough to be offered a new one. I’m very grateful! After thinking it over and going a bit back and forth I decided to take the offer. 

So yesterday I had my last day at Brilleland and on Monday I’m moving on to a new chain, new store and new colleagues. It’s very exciting and also a bit scary. I’ve had my share of jobs over the years and the butterflies in the stomach feeling always shows up whenever I’m on the brink of starting something new. 

It’s a feeling I welcome! It’s another way of pushing myself and getting out of my comfort zone. A wonderful way of learning and growing. 

So this weekend I’m going to take it easy, meditate on what was and get ready for what’s coming! 

Wish me luck!

And I wish you all a wonderful weekend! 

IMG_1374

Categories: I was thinking about, My own writing, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

If Only We Could Replace Your Face

When I was about 14 years old, I had a crush on a guy that was my friend. We had som pretty long conversations over the phone, and I could always count on him being honest with me. I don’t remember much from all of the late night conversations we had, but there’s one conversation in particular that I will never forget. It’s the one who broke down my already battered self esteem.

I don’t remember how we got into the subject, but for some reason he told me that he’d overheard some of the guys talk about me. I asked him what they said, and at first he was reluctant to tell me. He did eventually tell me though, and in hindsight I wish he never had.

“The guys think you have a really good looking body, they just wish that they could replace your face.”

My whole life crumbled at that moment. The little self esteem a bullied 14 year old me had vanished. I remember crying in my room after my mom and the rest of the family went to bed. Sobbing as quietly as I could.

For years I only saw myself as “a body”. When I looked in the mirror I could appreciate my shape, but there were so many things I wanted to change when it came to my face. I got into modelling when I turned 18, and that made it even worse after a while. After seeing the photographers photoshop my nose smaller again and again, the complex I already had for my nose grew into a giant monster that was constantly sitting on my shoulders, whispering about how wrong my face was and how I should probably think about doing something about it.

It got to the point where I actually had booked a consultation with a plastic surgeon, but when the day came I just couldn’t bring myself to go.

I was determined to fix it one day though. For years it felt like something I really needed to do sooner or later.

Kids can be so cruel, but often they don’t know the impact their cruelty can have. And I really want to believe that they don’t know that their bullying can change peoples lives for years. The media business is a whole other story for another day.

I feel lucky that I’ve grown to love myself and the way I look. That I’ve learned to appreciate the things that makes me look different. Knowing that I wouldn’t want to live in a world where everyone looked exactly the same.

Do I still have moments where I don’t like what I see? Yes, that monster sometimes returns at weak moments and whispers things when I’m having a bad day.

Do I still want to do something about my nose? No, I have no plans of going through with rhinoplasty. This is the nose that my parents gave me, and this is who I’m supposed to be.

Self love is something that’s very important to me, and something that I’ve written and talked about several times. It’s something we all need to practice more and help each other out with. Self love can be a tough exercise, but we all need to do it and do it more often!

I’m currently taking notes for a few self love videos that I’m hoping to make this fall. I’m excited to be working on something that’s so important to me, and I look forward to sharing it with you guys!

Love yourself and share your love!

IMG_0805

Categories: Beauty, I was thinking about, My own writing, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Mourning of Lost Love

A few weeks ago I watched Jason Silva talk about “The Rhapsody and Agony of Love” in this Shots of Awe video, and there was something he said that really stuck with me with me.

“What the fuck do we do? I’m still mourning. I’m still grieving for every love that I lost. How the fuck am I supposed to get over that? I didn’t sign up for these terms!”

Those words kept me up for hours after I should’ve gone to sleep. Anyone who knows me well (or read this blog for that matter) will know that I’m a hopeless romantic. I believe in the magic of love, and the power it has to change lives. I’ve loved and lost, and when it comes to being grateful as well as mourning lost love, I wrote a post about that not so long ago. You can find it here. 

What I haven’t talked about so often, but something that’s been a growing feeling I’ve had for a while now is that of uncertainty when it comes to relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in love and romance, and I’m pretty sure I will fall in love again someday. But do I believe in happily ever after in relationships? I’m not so sure.

I’ve frequently been joking around with my friends, telling them that I’ve grown so comfortable with being alone that I fear I’ll never end up living together with someone again. I know that sounds pessimistic, but it really isn’t. This is a not a post for me to whine and rant about unavailable love. It’s more about the realisation that the fantasy of the one true love that so many live and breathe, isn’t a one size fits all kind of thing. It’s the idea that we might have to rethink the way we see relationships.. It’s the fact that I’ve been through the ups and downs of the wrong relationships, fallen in love with some amazing people that I’ve had to say goodbye to, I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve broken some along the way. Most of all, it’s the fact that I’m almost thirty years old now, I have a son and don’t want more kids, have no desire to gett married, and I refuse to just settle because “that’s what everyone does”.

I want to be blown away by love, but I’m not looking for perfection. Right now I’m not really looking for anything in particular, but if love should cross my path and swipe me off my feet, then I’m willing to give it a chance. My big heart might be full of cracks and scars, but it’s still open. It’s open for the possibilities of the future. And yet, I’m also slowing coming to terms with the idea that relationships just might not be the thing for me. Who knows. I guess I’ll just have to take it all as it comes and see what happens.

Categories: I was thinking about, My own writing | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Soul Pampering!

On Sunday Kaya and I had a very lazy start to the day. We sat on her balcony and soaked up the warm and sunny weather that came to Oslo for a short visit. We had coffee, breakfast and long conversations. We also did a bit of pampering with a face mask. It’s nice to treat oneself to a bit of pamper time once in a while. But while I was sitting there with my face covered in a black mask that was drying up and making it hard to talk naturally, it got me thinking.

IMG_0440

So many are constantly trying to make time to pamper and prep our appearances. Face masks, foot masks, pedicures, manicures, hair coloring, waxing and on and on. The amount of time and money that some people put into trying to look their very best is truly fascinating and more than a bit frightening. The idea that drives this (for the most part) seems to be that as long as you can get to where you want to be physically, then you’ll be fine mentally. I call bullshit!

There’s no denying that a lot of what we do physically affects our mind. Workouts, meditations, the food and drinks we consume, the places we travel etc. But these things I would consider as soul pampering. These are things that have direct links to our health and our souls. That french manicure does not, even though it makes your hand look cute and could easily boost a bit of your self-esteem, it doesn’t fix the tremble you might have from anxiety. That new hair color will make you smile a bit more when you look at yourself in the mirror, and bring lots compliments from others, but it will not sort all the chaos that might go on underneath it. That new dress makes you look like a movie star, and maybe he’ll look at you that way you like, but it will not the cure the itch you might feel whenever you’re stressed out of your mind.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t pamper yourself! I do it myself and it feels amazing! I’m just saying that we shouldn’t be fooled into thinking that working hard to be perfect on the outside is the key to feeling good on the inside.

Stay healthy and mindful. Take time to pamper your soul and listen to your heart. You can even do it while wearing a face mask! Spoil your soul with all the love that it deserves! Confidence and happiness will shine through and be easy to notice.

Take care of yourself mindfully. Anything will look good on a happy soul!

 

Categories: I was thinking about, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Single with Love!

‘I know you enjoy being single and all, but don’t you miss love?’

She looked at me with judgemental eyes that were way easier to read than she probably wanted them to be.

‘Who says I don’t have love?’

When did not being in a relationship automatically become the same as lonely and without love? Just because I don’t share my rent with another person, suddenly I have no love in my life?

What a load of bullshit!

I’ve been single for almost a year now, and during that period of time I’ve met some amazing people. I’ve shared time and love with both men and women. Some are still in my life and some not. But they all have one thing in common; They’ve added something new to my life. They’ve helped me grow as a person. And through getting to know them, I also got to know myself a little better.

I have people in my life who’ve been there for many years. Friends I can’t even picture my life without. My best friends are my soulmates. The ones that I call when I need a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with or just to be distracted from my own thoughts. They are part of my roots, and no matter how far my lives branches stretch, they will always be connected to the those exact roots. Sometimes branches snap, but that doesn’t mean that they’re permanently broken. Over time a new branch will grow, and it will take a different shape than it had the last time around, but will still carry forth the most amazing leaves.

Some people didn’t stay around for that long. Some because they didn’t want to. Some because they couldn’t. I still love and miss them all. Because love is so much more than sharing your bed and your bills. Love is about connecting with people. It’s about growth and about being present.

Have I gotten my heart broken? Sure! Many times. Do I still love them? Absolutely!

The love might not be the same as it was, but it still lingers, like a distant memory. Because even if our relationship might change, it still contributed to my life and to the way that I love.

The beauty of cracks in a big heart is that even though it might bleed, the sunshine and warmth have more openings to enter through. I choose to be grateful for the love that I’ve experienced.

We fear the word love for being something that changes everything, but should we?  It’s been a long time since I feared the word love. Maybe I just love differently? Maybe it’s because I don’t believe in love being reserved for “the one”?

I like to say that I have too much love to give, for me to sit around and wait for one recipient. Because it’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all!

So to all of you wonderful people who’ve made my life to what it is today:

I love you! 

img_0233

Categories: I was thinking about, My own writing, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 3 Comments

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.