She was a flower
That he picked
And called beautiful
As she fell slowly
Petal by petal
Until almost empty
Only a whisper
Could be heard
By the last petal:
He loves me not..
©️Christina de Vries
She was a flower
That he picked
And called beautiful
As she fell slowly
Petal by petal
Until almost empty
Only a whisper
Could be heard
By the last petal:
He loves me not..
©️Christina de Vries
In my post The Story of My New Tattoo I briefly mentioned the Live A Great Story Community and that I’d become a LIVE Ambassador. If you want the story of my tattoo and how I came to know the Live A Great Story community then I would recommend you read that post first and then head on back here 😊
I’ve always believed that all things happen for a reason, and I find it to be so amazing that what started out as just a sentence that popped into my head, turned into my wall decor and then a tattoo, was something that lead me to this community of so many creative and wonderful people all around the world! I don’t think this was a coincidence! Some things are just meant to be, and I believe that I was meant to end up on this path and to find this amazingly inspiring journey.
So, what does it mean to be a LIVE Ambassador?
Being a LIVE Ambassador means that you are part of a community of awesome creative and hardworking people! It means that you are focused on living a great story, and you want to inspire others to do the same! Weekly challenges! And a whole lot of love!
I’m super excited about the next three months of the Season 3 Ambassador Program that I’m a part of, and I can’t wait to share it with you guys!
If you’re interested in reading more about the Live A Great Story community, you can do so HERE ✌🏻
And if you think that being a LIVE Ambassador might be something for you, then I’m happy to tell you that Season 4 Applications are open now! You can find out more and apply here!Lots more to come! Talk to you soon Lovelies!
She searched for him
At the bottom
Of every glass
In the color
Of every sunset
In the wrinkles
Of every face
But not until
She stopped looking
Did her eyes open
©️Christina de Vries
First let me tell you a little about how my dentophobia came to life!
As a little kid, I remember that I had no problem going to the dentist. I had very healthy teeth, didn’t have any cavities and they were all standing fairly straight. Then at the age of maybe 10 or 11 my school dentist discovered that I had what looked like the start of a new cavity in one of my molar teeth. They recommended putting a sort of glaze on all of my molars, and that would prevent it from becoming a real cavity. I went in a bit nervous, not knowing exactly what they were going to do. Things are a little blurry after that, but I do remember panicking. I remember lying in that chair, having so much dental gear in my mouth and suddenly I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I got really scared and I started to cry.
At that moment, the dentist thought that it would be a good idea to get angry at a scared child and then throw me out and into the waiting room. I remember she was so mad at me, and I couldn’t understand how a grownup could get so angry just because I was scared. I felt embarrassed.
Later on I’ve heard that my mom made a big deal about it and sent in quite the complaint. I didn’t see her there after that. If it was my case alone, or others too that did it, I have no idea.
A few more years went by, and I was more nervous about going to the dentist, but not proper phobic about it yet.
Then came the time when I got my first cavity, at the age of about 14 or 15, and that was the time when I first found out that I’m quite resistent to local anesthetics. Not only could I feel a lot of pain while they started to drill, but they didn’t believe me when I said I could. And there I was, panicking in a dentist chair once again. I was in a lot of pain, and when they finally believed me and stopped drilling, it took 4 doses of local anesthesia before I couldn’t feel any pain.
After that it would go 15 years of utter fear before I sat down in one of those chairs again.
My phobia got really bad over the years, to the point where I would break into sweat just at the mention of dentists or dental care. I would get so nervous just thinking about it that I thought I was going to either faint or throw up.
Then came December 2017, and one of my wisdom teeth got infected. The left side of my face swelled up, and I was in so much pain. I knew there were no escaping the visit that I’d dreaded for so many years.
So I started asking around, and Googling a lot. Eventually my choice ended on Torshov Tannlegesenter where they had a very good reputation for doing great work with people who struggle with dentophobia. Me and my swollen face went in there on a Saturday, and I felt like my heart was going to pound its way out of my body the whole subway and bus ride over there.
As I sat in the waiting room, I could hear them drilling someone’s teeth in the other room. I was sure that the dentist would find me unconscious and lying in my own vomit when he got out of there. Luckily I neither passed out or puked.
After a little while, it was my time to go in and sit in that dreaded chair. The dentist looked like he was about my age, kind looking and a good singing voice (I’ll get to that later), and he looked at me and said:
“You’re not really ready to be here, are you?”
In that moment I just started to cry and cry. The tears wouldn’t stop coming, no matter how much I tried to remind myself that I’m an adult and that my fear was totally irrational.
I was handed some paper towels and then the dentist and his assistant had a talk with me about my prior experiences and my options. Then he asked me if he could take a look at the tooth that was bothering me, and he could do a full check as well, but if I felt like I was going to panic or got more scared I would just raise my hand and he would stop.
I got out of that room all x-rayed, tartar removed, with a prescription for some antibiotics and another booked appointment just three days later to pull that troublesome wisdom tooth.
I was really nervous the next few days, but I came to find that my heart rate was much lower on my way in the second time than the first. I had to meet up half an hour before my appointment so that I could take a mild sedative drug to help me relax. That’s when I found out that my body is very resistent to sedatives as well. It did nothing. I was then asked if I wanted to go ahead or to rebook so I could either get a stronger sedative or they could put me under. I had built up so much courage to go there that day, that if I’d rebooked and had to go home, I’m not sure I would have managed to do it again. So I told them to go ahead.
They were really careful and made sure that they used enough local anaesthetics, and that it actually worked before they started. It was over and done with in about 15 minutes. My wonderful dentist explained everything he was doing and he had a radio playing in the background playing golden oldies that he sang along to while he did his magic.
I got out of there, one tooth and one phobia less. I called my mom and I cried because I was so relieved that I’d finally done it. I was (and still is) very proud of myself, even though it took me way too long.
I was in quite a lot of pain the next few days, but it got better. And a week after, I went in to remove the stitches AND to drill the three cavities that needed to be fixed. The best part; I wasn’t even nervous!
I know that the path to fighting phobias are very individual. In my case, it was a need to face the fear and to have someone that I trusted and made me feel safe. For others it might take several trips, or they have to do so with the help of a therapist. But no matter how big the fear is, it’s all about acknowledging it and taking the first steps.
If you’re ever in need of a good dentist in Oslo, then I can HIGHLY recommend Torshov Tannlegesenter!
I can now say that I’m cured of dentophobia and I’m so grateful for that!
About a week before Christmas I had a very powerful and wonderful experience. I tried to write about it back then, but couldn’t seem to find the right words, so it ended up as an unfiltered mess in my journal instead. But now I’m giving it a second go.
I can’t remember exactly what I’d been doing that evening, but I was on my way home.
I remember lots of moonlight and my breath coming out in frosty clouds. With music in my ears I walked without really paying attention to where I was going, lost in thought. And then all of a sudden I stopped walking, looked up at the stars and noticed that I was smiling. No, not just smiling, I was grinning! And the best part was, I had no idea why!
This is not uncommon for me. I find joy in the smallest of things, and I’m obnoxiously positive (most of the time), but this was little over a month after my recent heartbreak. It had been a while since I’d felt like the regular me.
And the thing that hit me hard in that moment was that I realized just how long I’d gone without feeling that kind of joy over nothing but a nice night out, and being lost in my own headspace. Upon that realization, I started to cry. So I walked the rest of the way home, looking like a grinning, crying lunatic, and I didn’t even care.
The tears came from the overwhelming sensation of knowing that I was finally on my way back to my usual self! They were tears of relief!
When I got home, the first thing I did was that I sent a text to the group chat I have with some of my closest girlfriends. I wanted to share my special moment, and the soulmates I have that I needed to tell it to was them! And not just because I wanted to share what had happened, but also because I know that the road would’ve been a lot longer to walk without meaningless grins if it weren’t for all of their love and support.
I had to tell them, because much of that moment was thanks to them. And most importantly, I had to tell them just how much I love them for being the wonderful people that they are!
Now I won’t try to say that every day since then has been all smiles and sunshine, but I’m happy to report that I find myself grinning for no reason more and more often!
It feels so good! In a way, it feels like coming home ❤️
When was the last time you grinned by yourself for no reason? If it’s been a while, I hope you get there soon! And while you heal, I’m here, if you need me…
Looking back on the year that I just left behind, I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t a rough one.
I had to say goodbye to some wonderful people that I would’ve loved to have closer by for much longer. And even though the internet makes it so much easier to stay in touch with the people that you miss, it still can’t compare to deep conversations face to face, or a real hug!
I said goodbye to a few that it was time to let go of. No matter how much of a right choice it is, sometimes it’s really hard to do so.
We said goodbye to Snute (the last of our pet rats) when he’d gotten old and his body decided that it was time to leave. He left us with a lot of wonderful memories.
I got firsthand experience with how chaotic it can get when an airline’s (British Airways) IT system crashes, and you’re not in your home country.
I struggled with insomnia for quite a while.
And I got my heart broken, just in time for my 30th birthday.
But even so, 2017 had so many more truly wonderful moments!
I traveled to London (twice), Texas, Copenhagen, Kiel and Madrid!
Had my first (and second) experience with staying at a hostel while traveling, and I loved it!
I met a lot of new, wonderful and interesting people!
I went to the Oslo Opera House for the first (and second) time, and saw some out of this world performances!
I got to see Jason Mraz live once again! And I got to see Rag’n’Bone Man live for the first time! Both concerts moved me to tears!
Leander found a love for dancing, and it’s such a joy to watch him get better and better.
I got to follow Cecilia Samartin and do a behind the scenes video when she did press here in Oslo.
I got two new tattoos, a new camera and a new job!
Some of my closest friends came to celebrate my 30th birthday with me, surrounding me with love, smiles and wine, even though I sort of cancelled the party. I’m so glad they came!
I spent the actual day I turned 30 with my very best friend in the whole world, and it was perfect! Vegan sushi, Prosecco and a slumber party!
I faced my fear (which I will write more about in a post soon) and got over my extreme fear of going to the dentist!
And my plans to spend New Years alone, just snuggling up with a good book, turned into spending it with another of my best friends, going to a party, having an epic snowball fight with strangers and then dancing our way far into 2018!
And one of the most wonderful things I experienced in 2017 was that I’m still capable of falling head over heels in love. And even though it didn’t go as I’d hoped, it’s a relief to know that my heart still has the ability to fall completely for someone new. I thought I’d lost it.
2017, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m very grateful for all that happened, and at the same time I’m very glad that it was time to split so I could start my new journey with 2018. So far I have to say that 2018 has been extremely good to me, and I can’t wait to see what’s to come.
On January 1st 2018, I started a new tradition. I wrote a letter to my future self, about the wishes I have for myself and the upcoming year. I’ve sealed it and so it will remain until January 1st 2019, when it’s time to do a recap of the year, and to write a new letter.
I have a good feeling about 2018 you guys! Let’s make it a special one!
Happy New Year!
In my last post I published a video where I had a timelapse of me getting my new tattoo in Madrid. And now I want to share the thoughts and the story behind this very new ink that I’ve added to my body.
But first I want to shout out to Tattoo Magic Calle Colon for making such an amazing piece! I love it to bits and it’s just what I wanted. If you’re ever in Madrid, looking for a place to get inked, I would highly recommend that you check them out!
Now let me tell you how the idea came to life. Well firstly, my relationship to traditional style tattoos and the colors that I’m going for these days, started with the tattoo that my sister and I got in Las Vegas. We got a set of matching birds that says “big sis” and “lil sis” on them. I love that tattoo so much. Every time I look down and see it, I’m reminded of how much I love my sister and how much fun we had on that trip. The colors and the style just felt very me, instantly! And the idea of getting tattoos as souvenirs was born.
Almost two years would pass before I got a new inked souvenir. This one I got when I went to Texas. I wanted an anchor with flowers, and these are both symbols that represent my dad. He’s a sailor at heart, and him and I used to live on a boat when I was a kid. He has that hard shell of a sailor, but he’s also the softest, most creative and romantic person I know.
Now my latest addition to the collection represents the journey I’ve been on for the last two years or so, and is also a reminder for me to strive to do the things that I love.
When I became single again about two years ago, I really discovered myself anew. It was an interesting process, and one that I needed to go through. I learned to love myself in a whole new way. I started to take care of my body in new ways. I made lists and plans for what I wanted to do, just for me. And I started to truly put my focus into my creative work. I wrote more, made more videos, and then I started to travel more. Not long trips (because I don’t have the money for that just yet), but new adventures none the less.
I realised that if I wanted to be the kind of writer that I aspire to be, I have to tell great stories. I can’t write great stories unless I live a great story.
I’m not sure how that sentence came to me, but I ended up writing it on the wall in my living room, just so that I would be reminded of it every single day. And then when the opportunity to travel to Madrid with work came along, the idea of getting my next souvenir was pretty clear. I knew I wanted the text because of what it has meant to me so far. How it defines the life that I want to lead. I also wanted the globe, because one of the things that I’ve discovered the last two years is my love for traveling alone. Don’t get me wrong, I love to travel with people as well, but there’s something very special about going on adventures by yourself. Part of wanting to Live a Great Story, is to expand my own mind. One of the best ways for me to do that is to travel to new places, get new impulses and see new faces. Get to know people along the way. I love it so much that sometimes I struggle to find the words to say how important it has become for my wellbeing.
So I got the tattoo, and it is now a wonderful reminder of where I’m headed as well as where I’ve been. And then my tattoo ended up sending me on a new journey. There’s a wonderful community of people that aspire to Live a Great Story! And through Instagram they discovered my tattoo and my story. And now I can proudly say that I’m a season 3 LIVE Ambassador for Live a Great Story! I will share more about this in another post soon!
I’m very excited about 2018, and I have to say that it has come off to a great start already!
I hope all of you had a good start to 2018 too!
Talk to you soon lovelies!
The past weekend I went back to my hometown to visit my family, and to celebrate my birthday. As soon as we got on the bus, I could feel myself relax a bit more and being able to let go of a lot of the tension I’ve been struggling with the last couple of weeks.
And when I got the first hug when we arrived, I realised just how much I needed to get out of Oslo and back home to refuel. I’ve been thinking that I needed to go away to somewhere new to get some new impulses and inspiration, and although I still feel the need for that as well, going home made a big difference.
Just to be surrounded by family and their love was very much needed. And I could feel the motivation to get back to creating slowly coming back to me. I’ve been writing a lot, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get back in front of the camera for a video. Finally, that changed!
My mom and stepdad got me a Canon EOS 200D, the very camera that I’ve been saving up to eventually buy. I was all shaky hands and teary eyes when I opened it up, and it took a while for me to actually believe that it was real. But there it was! The one I’ve been wanting, and then the rush of creative lust came over me.
Sometimes it’s really hard to get back on track with creating when I’ve been gone for a little a while, and it’s been especially hard this time around. Because of that, the relief I felt when the want to create came back, it was borderline overwhelming.
And now I’m excited, and a little nervous. The YouTube break has come to an end. Tomorrow I will sit my ass down in front of my new glorious camera, and I will once again do more of what I love to do!
I am so grateful for the presents, for the love and for the conversations this past weekend. It gave me more than I ever could have imagined. And I had no idea just how much I needed it.
One thing that always overwhelm me whenever I’m having a hard time (and am willing to admit it) is how much love I have in my life. I wouldn’t say that I have a lot of friends, but I do have a few and the ones that are closest to me are so warmhearted and they give so much of themselves.
I’m so lucky to be surrounded by people with so much love to give. Friends that will cry together with me, as well as roll around on the floor laughing till we almost pee our pants. And I will do the same for them. This is something I wish for everyone to have in their life. And it’s not important to collect many of these friends, but to hold on to and nourish those friendships that are true. I know it isn’t always easy. I’ve done the mistake of forgetting to take care of my friendships several times, and so have they. At times it’s easy to get wrapped up in everything that’s going on in your own life, and hard to move outside of ones own bubble. It’s just the way it is. But we always end up with a reminder. Something that bursts the bubble and shows us how important all of the things outside of it really is.
And if there’s one thing the last week has been a reminder of for me, it’s how much love I have in my life. How much I love those dorky and wonderful friends of mine. And above all; how grateful I am for them loving me back.
Thank you for the warm thoughts and wishes, for the shoulders to cry on, the bad jokes, the late nights, the phone calls and the warm hugs. You guys are the best and I love you more than words can say!
Friendship isn’t a big thing – It’s a million little things ❤️
Whenever my mind feels a bit too full and in need of a break, there’s always one thing that helps it to calm down and get things sorted a little. That one thing is going for a walk.
Lately (as you guys know) my mind has been a bit all over the place, and at times it felt like it was just spread as thin as it could possibly get. I knew it was time to do something about that. Needed to get back into the good routines that I used to have. Or maybe it was just time for some new ones.
Then I had a thought. The place where I’m working now is one that I always take public transportation to and from. First I take the subway, and then I change over to a bus. It takes me about 30 minutes from the moment I walk out the door, depending on the traffic. But how long would it take me to walk?
So I sat down and started looking at different routes recommended by Google Maps, and found that it didn’t look so bad. I hadn’t really decided that I was going to actually do this until the morning on my birthday (two days ago) when I got up at 5 am and started my day off with 20 minutes of meditation. Just to get such a good start to the day made me highly motivated to try to make more out of the day, and I decided to take the walk.
The 8 km walk (5 miles) took me about an hour and a half, and it felt so good! My mind felt so much calmer and clearer by the time I got to work, and I held a steady pace for the whole walk, so it counts as a bit of good exercise as well! My best friend Kirsti picked me up after work for our Birthday Pyjama Date, so I didn’t walk home that day. Wednesday I had a day off work, but today however I thought it was time to do the walk both to and from, and I did!
Now I’m not saying that walking fixes everything. My brain is constantly filled with way too much that goes on at the same time, but the walking helps me to sort it. To be able to be on the move, and at one with my thoughts, it just makes it so much easier to see the difference between the important thoughts and the unnecessary ones. To differ between voices and noise.
I don’t think that I will be walking to and from work every day, but from now on, I will definitely do it more often.
There’s something so very therapeutic about going for a walk, and I sure as hell needed it! Most of us could, from time to time.