My own writing

Did you know that my mom does magic?

I’m very lucky to have a mom that can do magic. Out of something quite small, she can create warmth, protection and love. She works her magic, sometimes for hours on end, and the result is something that no one can experience in the exact same way. Her hands work love into everything she creates. Not only does she do magic, but each crafted spell is a masterpiece and they each last for years. They are wrapped around you and keeps you warm. Whenever I need the warmth of her craft, it’s rarely far away from grasp. And every time I get a hold of it and wrap it around my soul’s shell, I feel a little more at home and a little more at peace. My smile gets a little wider, and any off day gets a little better! 

But my mom doesn’t do her craft just for me. She does it for everyone she loves and cares about. Sometimes she even does it for total strangers as well. But there’s only a few of us who will get the crafted spells with her special mark upon it. 

And whenever I look at it, I feel so grateful and so loved. Thank you mom, for knitting magic and masterpieces! 

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“Made by mom”

 

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Naked – POEM

I am naked

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Photo: Bjørn Hatling

To call out the voice of shame

Laugh in its face

Beat it at its own game

 

I am naked

To bare my very soul

What’s inside this flesh

Is what makes me whole

 

I shed my clothes

And fear screams of treason

But when I really listen

It’s clear that love is the only reason

 

I sit proudly

And let the wind touch me

Melt me into all that is and will be

Allowing this body to be free

 

I am naked

But not as an act of lust

I’ve shaken off the layers

In a personal sign of trust

 

I am bare

Like I once arrived into light

I push away unreal expectations

This is how I choose to fight

 

I am raw

            As I connect with all that is

            Get to know these eyes that see

            This soul that moves and lips that kiss

 

I am nature

            And all around is me

            I am naked

            Because I choose to be

 

©Christina de Vries

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It’s Changing!

Our lives are constantly changing, even though it may not seem like it all of the time. It might seem like everything is just the same, day after day. But even though you feel like you’re going through the motion in the same ship everyday, there’s so much going on underneath the surface that you’re not paying attention to. 

All those little things that just passes by as unimportant could easily add up to end up as some of the most important events of your life. 

Some changes are bigger though, and impossible to miss! I’m going through one of those changes right now. 

I’ve been working for Brilleland for little over a year now, and a while back I was approached by another chain of stores and they wanted to set up a meeting with me. The meeting happened and in a time where people struggle to get jobs I was lucky enough to be offered a new one. I’m very grateful! After thinking it over and going a bit back and forth I decided to take the offer. 

So yesterday I had my last day at Brilleland and on Monday I’m moving on to a new chain, new store and new colleagues. It’s very exciting and also a bit scary. I’ve had my share of jobs over the years and the butterflies in the stomach feeling always shows up whenever I’m on the brink of starting something new. 

It’s a feeling I welcome! It’s another way of pushing myself and getting out of my comfort zone. A wonderful way of learning and growing. 

So this weekend I’m going to take it easy, meditate on what was and get ready for what’s coming! 

Wish me luck!

And I wish you all a wonderful weekend! 

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Ocean Dreams – POEM

Like a rock out of its place

The waves of life

Tossed her back and forth

Hitting obstacles, cracking open

And then moving on

Until one day she landed here

Embraced by the mountain

So stable and predictable

The waves still came 

But in the crevice she found

Comfort in rolling around

It felt safe to stay there 

As the waves washed over her

Again and again

The mountain and her got

Shaped into something new

A collective shape of comfort. 

She rolled deeper as her edges and cracks

Smoothed over and the crevice

It grew deeper and deeper

But where she first found comfort

Turned into darkness

As she rolled into him

Herself eroded away 

Into an unfamiliar shape

The crevice got so deep that she

Could no longer see the light over the edges

The cracks that should have defined her

Was scrubbed away

And the perfectly smooth and polished shape

Was one she she couldn’t recognise 

She ached for skipping across the water

To once again be a part of 

The unpredictable roll of the ocean

She wanted to be tossed around and hit sharp edges

Crack open again and see what was inside

Learn about her very center

But time had rolled her out of water’s reach now

And so she waits

For the wanderer that will one day 

Catch a glimpse of a smooth rock

Unable to resist 

To pick it up and send it flying 

On the ripples of waves

To the next unknown adventure.

***

©Christina de Vries

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Categories: My own writing, Poetry, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Never Know – POEM

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 There was a genuine fear

Of the unknown

He pushed with one hand

And held tight with the other

Afraid to miss out

Too scared to give in

He wanted answers

That no one could give

He wanted promises

Where none could be made

She kissed the hand

That held on

Opened up his fingers

And slipped away 

When he wasn’t looking

All that was left

Was her whispered words

Now you will never know

                                                                                                                   **

©Christina de Vries

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If Only We Could Replace Your Face

When I was about 14 years old, I had a crush on a guy that was my friend. We had som pretty long conversations over the phone, and I could always count on him being honest with me. I don’t remember much from all of the late night conversations we had, but there’s one conversation in particular that I will never forget. It’s the one who broke down my already battered self esteem.

I don’t remember how we got into the subject, but for some reason he told me that he’d overheard some of the guys talk about me. I asked him what they said, and at first he was reluctant to tell me. He did eventually tell me though, and in hindsight I wish he never had.

“The guys think you have a really good looking body, they just wish that they could replace your face.”

My whole life crumbled at that moment. The little self esteem a bullied 14 year old me had vanished. I remember crying in my room after my mom and the rest of the family went to bed. Sobbing as quietly as I could.

For years I only saw myself as “a body”. When I looked in the mirror I could appreciate my shape, but there were so many things I wanted to change when it came to my face. I got into modelling when I turned 18, and that made it even worse after a while. After seeing the photographers photoshop my nose smaller again and again, the complex I already had for my nose grew into a giant monster that was constantly sitting on my shoulders, whispering about how wrong my face was and how I should probably think about doing something about it.

It got to the point where I actually had booked a consultation with a plastic surgeon, but when the day came I just couldn’t bring myself to go.

I was determined to fix it one day though. For years it felt like something I really needed to do sooner or later.

Kids can be so cruel, but often they don’t know the impact their cruelty can have. And I really want to believe that they don’t know that their bullying can change peoples lives for years. The media business is a whole other story for another day.

I feel lucky that I’ve grown to love myself and the way I look. That I’ve learned to appreciate the things that makes me look different. Knowing that I wouldn’t want to live in a world where everyone looked exactly the same.

Do I still have moments where I don’t like what I see? Yes, that monster sometimes returns at weak moments and whispers things when I’m having a bad day.

Do I still want to do something about my nose? No, I have no plans of going through with rhinoplasty. This is the nose that my parents gave me, and this is who I’m supposed to be.

Self love is something that’s very important to me, and something that I’ve written and talked about several times. It’s something we all need to practice more and help each other out with. Self love can be a tough exercise, but we all need to do it and do it more often!

I’m currently taking notes for a few self love videos that I’m hoping to make this fall. I’m excited to be working on something that’s so important to me, and I look forward to sharing it with you guys!

Love yourself and share your love!

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Categories: Beauty, I was thinking about, My own writing, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

This is Where I Write – POEM

In the corner of a hidden smile

At the end of a falling tear

The beginning of a question mark 

Underneath the clothes I wear

*

Half awake and always dreaming

Never lost, but still unfound

In between colours, black and white

Wings spread wide and roots in the ground

*

For all to see, for none to know

Visible in the dark, hidden by light

Everywhere and nowhere all at once 

Here is where I roam, this is where I write

*

©Christina de Vries – Geek Heaven

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The Mourning of Lost Love

A few weeks ago I watched Jason Silva talk about “The Rhapsody and Agony of Love” in this Shots of Awe video, and there was something he said that really stuck with me with me.

“What the fuck do we do? I’m still mourning. I’m still grieving for every love that I lost. How the fuck am I supposed to get over that? I didn’t sign up for these terms!”

Those words kept me up for hours after I should’ve gone to sleep. Anyone who knows me well (or read this blog for that matter) will know that I’m a hopeless romantic. I believe in the magic of love, and the power it has to change lives. I’ve loved and lost, and when it comes to being grateful as well as mourning lost love, I wrote a post about that not so long ago. You can find it here. 

What I haven’t talked about so often, but something that’s been a growing feeling I’ve had for a while now is that of uncertainty when it comes to relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in love and romance, and I’m pretty sure I will fall in love again someday. But do I believe in happily ever after in relationships? I’m not so sure.

I’ve frequently been joking around with my friends, telling them that I’ve grown so comfortable with being alone that I fear I’ll never end up living together with someone again. I know that sounds pessimistic, but it really isn’t. This is a not a post for me to whine and rant about unavailable love. It’s more about the realisation that the fantasy of the one true love that so many live and breathe, isn’t a one size fits all kind of thing. It’s the idea that we might have to rethink the way we see relationships.. It’s the fact that I’ve been through the ups and downs of the wrong relationships, fallen in love with some amazing people that I’ve had to say goodbye to, I’ve had my heart broken and I’ve broken some along the way. Most of all, it’s the fact that I’m almost thirty years old now, I have a son and don’t want more kids, have no desire to gett married, and I refuse to just settle because “that’s what everyone does”.

I want to be blown away by love, but I’m not looking for perfection. Right now I’m not really looking for anything in particular, but if love should cross my path and swipe me off my feet, then I’m willing to give it a chance. My big heart might be full of cracks and scars, but it’s still open. It’s open for the possibilities of the future. And yet, I’m also slowing coming to terms with the idea that relationships just might not be the thing for me. Who knows. I guess I’ll just have to take it all as it comes and see what happens.

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London, My Dear London!

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It’s one of the hardest things to watch someone you love hurting. Especially when you know that there’s really not much you can do to make it go away, except for being there and trying to ease the pain.

When the news hit Oslo about the London Bridge terror, I was out having a few drinks with colleagues. At first we didn’t really know what was going on, and we hoped that it wasn’t as bad as we feared. Knowing we couldn’t do anything from the distance away that we were, we tried not to obsess over the news and continue on with our pleasant night out. It is safe to say that it wasn’t an easy task, but we managed to steer the conversation to other subjects and so the night went on. I left central Oslo to go home earlier than I planned. My party spirit had left the building.

Sitting on the bus on my way home, surrounded by drunks and lovers, I started reading the news once again. What met me on the screen made my insides twist and my heart ache.

Oh London, my sweet dear London, haven’t you hurt enough by now? Not only have you been struck several times, but your nearest and dearest that surrounds you was struck as well.

I got home and fell into a restless sleep, but have no recollection of my dreams. Maybe it is just as well.

The next morning I hurried out the door to catch my bus down to my hometown to visit family. I watched the news as I sat there on my way to the people I love. One news reporter after the other talked into their cameras from the same spots, and the blood drained from my face. I knew that spot. Borough Market, why hadn’t I recognised the name the night before? It is right next to the hostel that I stayed in when I traveled to London both in February and when I got stranded because of the British Airways disruption. I walked passed that market several times a day, just under a week before this happened.

“You never know. It could have just as easily have been you.”

My mom said to me as we talked about what had happened. And she was right. We never know when something like this will happen. It could just as easily happen to you or me, as anyone else.

“You shouldn’t go back for a while.”

This is where we disagreed! I will admit that every time something like this happens, I get angry. I get confused by how someone could find it in their hearts to justify something like this. But most of all, I get scared.

No matter how scared though, I will not let them take travelling away from me. I will not let them take London away from me. London has always felt like a home away from home, and I won’t let them take my home away from me.

In times like this, we need to focus on the love and not the hate or the fear. And this is why I promise you, my sweet dear London, that I will be back soon!

I love you London, and even though I’m far away, my heart and thoughts are with you and with everyone else who holds you dear.

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Let’s make new memories!

I’m currently at Oslo Airport Gardermoen, having breakfast and doing a bit of writing while I’m waiting for boarding to open. Last time I wrote a post from the same place as now, I was headed to London. This plane is bringing me to London too, but this time around I have a transfer flight for a much longer trip. This time I’m headed to somewhere I haven’t been before to see someone I haven’t seen in a long time!

I’m headed to Austin, Texas!

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It feels like forever since the last time I was onboard a plane, even though it’s only been a little over three months. That urge to travel is just growing and growing, and I’m very excited to finally be back at an airport, knowing that I’m about to head somewhere new. There’s something so utterly special about the airport atmosphere. It’s like you can feel the excitement in the air, radiating from all the other travellers. And that very feeling feeds me with energy and creativity. I write a lot when I’m at home, but the urge to put words onto paper/screen grows so much stronger the minute I’m on the go and surrounded by other adventurers who are headed to all kinds of places!

Traveling with British Airways will be a new experience for me as well (I don’t think I’ve ever traveled with them) and one thing I’m really curious about, is the food they’ll serve. I’ve requested vegan/vegetarian on my flights and from what I’ve heard it’s usually either a hit or miss. Crossing my fingers for a hit!

My camera is along for the ride, and there will be a Texas video up on my YouTube channel when I get home.

Wish you all a wonderful Thursday and hope you get to go on your own adventure, even if it’s just a minor one! Go out there and make some new memories to treasure!

Bon Voyage!

 

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