About a week before Christmas I had a very powerful and wonderful experience. I tried to write about it back then, but couldn’t seem to find the right words, so it ended up as an unfiltered mess in my journal instead. But now I’m giving it a second go.
I can’t remember exactly what I’d been doing that evening, but I was on my way home.
I remember lots of moonlight and my breath coming out in frosty clouds. With music in my ears I walked without really paying attention to where I was going, lost in thought. And then all of a sudden I stopped walking, looked up at the stars and noticed that I was smiling. No, not just smiling, I was grinning! And the best part was, I had no idea why!
This is not uncommon for me. I find joy in the smallest of things, and I’m obnoxiously positive (most of the time), but this was little over a month after my recent heartbreak. It had been a while since I’d felt like the regular me.
And the thing that hit me hard in that moment was that I realized just how long I’d gone without feeling that kind of joy over nothing but a nice night out, and being lost in my own headspace. Upon that realization, I started to cry. So I walked the rest of the way home, looking like a grinning, crying lunatic, and I didn’t even care.
The tears came from the overwhelming sensation of knowing that I was finally on my way back to my usual self! They were tears of relief!
When I got home, the first thing I did was that I sent a text to the group chat I have with some of my closest girlfriends. I wanted to share my special moment, and the soulmates I have that I needed to tell it to was them! And not just because I wanted to share what had happened, but also because I know that the road would’ve been a lot longer to walk without meaningless grins if it weren’t for all of their love and support.
I had to tell them, because much of that moment was thanks to them. And most importantly, I had to tell them just how much I love them for being the wonderful people that they are!
Now I won’t try to say that every day since then has been all smiles and sunshine, but I’m happy to report that I find myself grinning for no reason more and more often!
It feels so good! In a way, it feels like coming home ❤️
When was the last time you grinned by yourself for no reason? If it’s been a while, I hope you get there soon! And while you heal, I’m here, if you need me…