This is the Hurt that I’m Feeling

I didn’t plan on going into my thirties with a broken heart, but here I am. Life takes twists and turns all of the time, and sometimes they hurt. And no matter how right it is, it’s still painful.

I’m turning 30 tomorrow, and I’m not one to worry about age. I don’t really care about that number to be honest. What I care about is where I’m at this very moment. And right now that place is a bit unclear.

On my last birthday, someone very dear to me asked me to define my upcoming year as 29 with one word. The word I chose was “Experiences”. And it turned out that I chose my word well.

My year as 29 was filled with interesting and new experiences.

I stepped out of my comfort zone a lot.

I travelled to new places, and familiar places.

I learned new things, and found new passions.

I met some wonderful people, some I got to know really well. Some I had to say goodbye to.

I fell in love, and I got my heart broken. Not intentionally by that person, but sometimes love just doesn’t work out the way that we want to. And if there’s one thing that will always be the truth, it is that we can’t control who we love, or how much we love them. And every time we go through that, it’s another experience as well. And what I might be most grateful for right now, is the falling. To get to experience to fall completely in love with someone again, no matter how painful it turned out, it was a wonderful reminder. I got to feel something that I wasn’t sure was even possible anymore. And for that I’m utterly and completely grateful! And in time when the healing really sets in, I will be able to cherish that even more than I do right now.

This is the hurt that I’m feeling, but I am not the pain.

This will take time, but that doesn’t mean that time have to stand still.

This is where I’m broken, but the cracks are where the sun will shine through.

For a time now, the hurting and the healing will walk hand in hand, supporting each other when it’s needed. And although a broken heart is a clear sign of an ending, it is also the promise of new beginnings.

I’m going into my thirties with a chapter that has no beginning yet. And it’s time I start to write it. And I think I’m going to start with one word. I have not chosen my word for the next year yet, but I will in time for tomorrow.

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Categories: My own writing, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

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8 thoughts on “This is the Hurt that I’m Feeling

  1. My heart breaks with the poignancy of your phrasing and the wonder of your words. This was absolutely beautiful and your ability to take the positive from the pain emboldens and empowers me. Your loveliness abounds with fiery vigor and, though I am a world away, know that you aren’t alone in this.
    From one who is cracked to another.

    • Thank you! This one was a hard one to write. And one written with a quite a few tears, but writing does help the healing for sure.
      We might need bruised and cracked, but never completely broken 💛

      • Sometimes we can all use a good cry and acknowledge that we are struggling so long as we do not dwell upon it to our own destruction. I am glad this was cathartic for you and that you were willing to share!

      • I agree. One should never underestimate the power of a good cry!

  2. Another Crack in the wall

    Sometimes there’s not much more to life but to grip tight and hold on through those roughest twists and turns.
    Welcome to the thirties, we’ll love your company. And don’t worry too much with where you are. Your wisdom and maturity will still keep on guiding you. Even though you might have to endure other rough seas.
    Happy birthday, and take care.
    Hugs from a fellow cracked cracker 😏

    • Thank you so much for the warm welcome! I look forward to all of the new experiences and the wisdom that comes with them.
      I guess we’re all a bit cracked, and sometimes it really nice to be reminded of that.

  3. Birthday blues, been there…

    Hope you feel better soon

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