I’ve always had somewhat of a fear of being alone. That’s why I never stayed single for long and tried to have people around me most of the time in the past. But the past couple of years that has changed significantly. I’ve pondered over this as my love for being in my own company grew bit by bit and I’ve come to the conclusion that in my case it has to do with confidence. While I built up my confidence and started to really love myself, flaws and all, I started to enjoy my own company much more. The thought of being alone isn’t as frightening anymore and this combined with an irrational fear of relationships keeps me single and quite comfortable.
Do I want to share my life with someone?
Well, of course!
Do I stress the issue?
Not by far. It’ll happen when it happens.
And to have that thought comfortably in mind is quite a new thing for me and I’m exploring it to the fullest.
Yesterday I walked around in the city for almost an hour while listening to an audio book. I saw much of the city in a way I haven’t seen before.
I’ve done dinner and a movie on my own company. Going home to bed wasn’t as exciting, but I wasn’t disappointed either.
Today I went looking for furniture by myself. I enjoyed walking around in IKEA, planning how my next home is going to look like, touched upon the feeling of being the only one to do the decision making. It felt nice!
I do look forward to the future that is coming my way. Because now that I am comfortable, when I love myself for who I am, now I am finally in a place where I go for all that is good for my body, mind and soul. I’m very (probably annoyingly) optimistic about the future!
Easter is going to be a lot of writing and some good red wine. Some in company of good friends, but mostly in the company of the ginger that I have come to respect and love.
So I encourage you to enjoy your own company more often. Not by sitting at home by yourself, but by doing things you normally don’t do alone. You might be surprised 🙂